Crash On Me [entries|friends|calendar] Meryl LOOK WHAT I'VE DONE ... [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[November 18, 2009] [ mood | disappointed ] To be honest, I'm terribly disappointed:( reply

[October 19, 2009] reply

[October 04, 2009] Sometimes I feel so neglected. Maybe, not sometimes, but most of the time. reply

Love Sweeps. [May 19, 2009] [ mood | bouncy ] Haha today I stayed back and went to SP to wait for my pooots. He had his touch rugby training while I waited in the grand stand, waiting patiently for my pooots, why trying my best to absorb bits and pieces of Biology! Haha I managed to read through the notes and it was so dark I had to stand by the light at the grand stand to study while pooots was on the field playing rugby. I waited till 8.30pm and we decided to have dinner but Subway was closed BOOOO! So we just bought a small little thing from Mr Bean (I don't really know what's that calle but it's nice) and he bought soya bean and we rushed through our little "meal". Mr pooots decided to send me home after his gruelling training and something bad happened! I lost Nura's envelope ZOMG. I'm so dead. So yeah, when we reached Eunos, I waited for his train together with him and we exchanged TWO hugs today YAY!! I miss being hugged! At least we got to spend te evening together, though most of the time was spent waiting heehee. But it was a great anniversary! AND THE NEXT ONE WIL DEFINITELY BE A BLAST! Gonna watch the sunrise together wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:D And bake a cake for my birthday boy! Andand, I'm looking forward to Monday cos' Yanbing's giving me a birthday treat whooooo! And Thursday is a little lunch outing with 3 gorgeous babes:D YAY! And Saturday, this Saturday I mean, is early celebration of my birthday with my family + WEICHEN! HAHA a good week ahead. And concert's coming up! Mr Leow must come more often cos he rocks! Everything rocks except my tutorials:( 1/ read reply

My Wall Fell. [May 06, 2009] [ mood | depressed ] Maybe it's because I lack those huge bambi eyes that can express sadness. Maybe it's because I'm not as small-sized or that nice to cuddle. Every hard candy's outershell is that breakable, with a soft underneath that's yet to be noticed. It's a sad thing to know that I may not be as likeable as someone who is cute. I mean, you know there are some girls who are just so lovable that everything you do, you won't inch any further to harm her because she's just so cute? The kind of girl that every person on earth wants to protect? Sigh, maybe I'm just not that cuddly or cute for anyone to love or protect. I may put up a strong front or you may know me as someone who never sheds a tear. The truth is, who doesn't? Even the strongest person is fallible, let alone me. I wish it wouldn't be that awkward to ask for a comforting shoulder to cry on. But no one ever asks for comfort when they're down. Probably it's because there's someone there for them, always providing an avenue to let loose their fears and sadness, without having you to ask for comfort. I can't blame anyone for not comforting me. I guess I'm just not the cute girl you see on the street=( I wish sadness could be expressed well enough and made known into words/sentences. There's no reason why people get sad. Sometimes all I wish is to have someone to sense how I feel and comfort me automcatically. I don't really need advice, I just want someone to be there and make me feel a little better, even if things stay the same. It may seem so small, but a word of comfort really makes me feel so much better. I really feel bad when I make pleas for just a little comfort. I wish I could be more lovable.  I'm just another hard candy with a hard outershell, but a soft centre. Anyone, or any kind soul, would you just comfort me when I'm feeling sad? 5/ read reply

Exactly What...? [April 13, 2009] Things have not been going smoothly lately. This is my candid opinion of my assessment of the situation I face. You know, sometimes, at a particular point of your life, you feel as if you're caught in the middle of a big storm, without having your umbrella in hand, you're alone and there's no one around you. You just wish you could cry out loud and let the world know your painful plight but no one's around to even see you, let alone hear you. I wish crying would make things much better. You know that crying in the storm is futile. A futile attempt to gain the attention you need. All you wished for was for someone to ring you on the phone and ask if you're alright. It doesn't matter if the person is willing to come over to your aid, as long as you know someone is aware of the sticky situation you're in, it relieves you awfully much. There are so many things I wish I could steer control of but to no avail. I wish I was born ito a better family. I know comparisons don't make things seem any more optimistic but whenever I compare my family to another person's, it's as if my family has an internal world war three going on at home. Often feelings have been shelved aside. I grip hold of the colder side of me and show it. I know that tears would never change anything, they bring in more accusations. It's as if crying because I couldn't keep in my emotions was the precursor to the many quarrels that happen between parents. My home lacks warmth, love, everything that a child wished was secured by their parents. I really wish mustering courage could ease my pain and let me tide through the hard times. I wished the people around me could stand behind me when I'm in front of the mirror and see the sad, smileless girl that has become of me. I've changed so drastically, just in a matter of moments which are perched so precariously on the premise of a few tears. I wish adults could see how dangerous they've made the world for us kids. I wish they would step back before hurling vulgarities at each other, quick enough to check the damage that will always be behind them. The damage that lingers and tears every inch of our hearts. The damage that will carry on and bite the insides of us, reminding us time and again that we belong to a broken family. The basis of the family has made me who I am today. It's so true, how professionals claim that we are who we are because of our brought-ups. I see it in myself. This never ending enmity towards quarrelling parents. It's so true, what people say. I know I can never blame anyone for having the disability to understand and empathize with me. My shoes are too tight to fit in. All I ever wished for was support and comfort. To share my sadness with. And bring back my smile to my face. 13/ read reply

[April 12, 2009] It's because you're so satisfied with your life, you can never understand mine. reply

She Never Hated Home This Much [April 05, 2009] These are the days of fancier houses, but broken homes. God I wish I could pull through. Give me the strength to face it. Give me the courage to ensure I don't falter. Oh God I stand here as your humble child, hoping you'd lift me up and erase all the pain in me. In Jesus name, Amen. 1/ read reply

[March 24, 2009] [ mood | mellow ] Falling leaves like a blanket at my feet There's a canopy of stars And I just miss you like crazy Suddenly the world's too big And the hours move too slow And I just wish that you were holding me near Seven days, it feels like a year You whisper through the line You know I miss you like crazy So baby can you steal a plane A boat, the fastest train You know it just don't feel the same when you're gone 'Cause every time you go away The sunshine starts to fade Frozen by the hands of time into a Permanent Monday Take me back into your arms And don't ever let me go 'Cause when I see you walk through that door I'm not lost anymore I'm home I'm home I won't sleep until you're finally next to me Can't wait to breathe you in Don't wanna waste my time dreaming I just wanna treat your name like A whisper on my skin And never have to say goodbye again 'Cause every time you go away The sunshine starts to fade Frozen by the hands of time into a Permanent Monday Take me back into your arms And don't ever let me go 'Cause when I see you walk through that door I'm not lost anymore I'm home 'Cause when I feel you right here close to me Everything is where it's supposed to be, baby 'Cause every time you go away The sunshine starts to fade Frozen by the hands of time into a Permanent Monday Take me back into your arms And don't ever let me go 'Cause when I see you walk through that door I'm not lost anymore I'm home I'm home Yes I am And I miss you like crazy I miss Weichen already. reply

Let Your Conscience Prevail. [March 23, 2009] [ mood | cheerful ] I'm FINALLY getting Sigma Notation! Kiss my ass, maths URGH. I had enough of all those "E" shaped things that are used to sum up polynomials:x But YAY, I'm getting it, ohh finally! Anyway today I met up with darling LWC for lunch!!! And I told him about my stewpid conversation during english class that went like this: Ms Lim: Class, please refer to your youth package and compare the differences and similarities between you and your partner's traits. Me: Qiaohao, are you optimistic? Qiaohao: Yeah I am. You? Me: For a pessimist, I'm optimistic. But I'm not a pessimisstic pessimist. Qiaohao: WHAT IS THAT?!! Ms Lim: *Shakes head* Sigh Meryl... HAHA and we talked about how Patricia the toot, kept drawing the letters "WC" all over my notes and typed those letters in her GC. For an hour. WOW. I'm surprised I could actually endure such nonsense LOL! And then we headed to the library to study (actually, I'm the one studying) while he read some weird magazine. I managed to borrow another Nazi book, and my daddy-o warned me not to read too much of such material, in case I get disturbed bu what's described ie. in those concentration camps:P We headed home and I accompanied him all the way to Buona Vista. Crapped ALOT on the train. Oh poots is gonna head to Shanghai on Wednesday, that means no sms-ing at all from Wednesday to Sunday =( This is horrible, terrible, vegetable  : (   And poooooooooooooots, please take care. Come back to me safely and have lots of fun alright! Don't miss me heehee (Although I know you will:P) Lastly, here's a nice ending for all. I thank God that: Weichen is really good to me. We treasure every moment spend together, given the sporadity of meetings. We put in our bestest to keep the love going. We love each other alot. We have brightened up each other's life. That's all folks, goodnight!   reply

Frozen By The Hands Of Time Into A Permanent Monday [March 21, 2009] [ mood | awake ] Folks I'm awfully sorry for the lack of updates.  I've been pretty busy of late due to school and other stuff. Homework's piling up in no time, tests spilling in etc... And anyone has recommendations for Maths tuition? I desperately need it because I'm stuck with irritating sigma notation, since a few weeks ago? Oh shoot. I really feel wayy behind in my studies especially for in maths and chemistry. Biology's fine, for now and I hope I'll be fine with it for long. But anyway brushing sickening academics aside due to the irritable fact that pondering over it for too long may cause me uncessary tension, I celebrated my 9th month anniversary with my dearest person this Thursday. It was a long awaited meetup and we managed to spend one solid day together YAY ME! I was over at LWC's house and Bingo, his dawg, is addicted to my scent! Haha Bingo's a nottie dawg but oh well, it loves me and kept following me around the house:D Haha cute cute. We did many things, I read Anne Frank's diary (Haha I'm a nerd), and his aunty cooks great lasagne(: And yepyep, his aunty promised to teach me how to bake and cook during the June Holidays!!!!!  Cool right? We walked around the condo and his condo has it's own private clinic, some restaurant, a doggie saloon etc... Sigh, every happy day has it's reluctant ending but yeah, I look forward to seeing him again. Okay, that sounds like I'm a person with no life cos it's been so long since I last met up with friends. But anyway, LWC's going to Shanghai for 5 days so it's normal to spend more time with someone you love and won't be seeing till the following weeks right? Meanwhile, it gives me the chance to ask friends out:D I miss my friends and I miss all the stupid gossip sessions, shopping sessions, lunch talks that we used to have. Time is of the essence, as of now. And even meeting WC's a huge problem now (I miss him alot). I wish that the holidays were a tad longer, but not too long (Look at all those people complaining of boredom ha!). If only January was here to stay, and every day is a step closer to school but yet school never seems to come any closer to you:D Wake up Meryl. JC life is oh-so-tiring but fun. And, I realised it takes time to make friends and foster close ties. Give it some time. I'm just too impatient. I realised that once you're with someone for such a long time, you get tired of trying to find out the cutest guys in your school, or give up trying to pay attention to who's having a crush on you or vice versa, cos that's what I'm experiencing now. I'm so blased whenever people touch on those topics. I'm just ignorant. And it makes me wonder. Is it wrong to have a crush while dating someone else? It may not be unorthodox. But then again, doesn't it prick your conscience? Maybe it does for me. I just feel bad. Or it's probably cos my eyes are transfixed on one person only and it never misses it focus. My greatest fear is losing someone I cherish and I was so close to losing people in the past years it haunts me. Or maybe it's just because I'm the type that commits to one thing, and closes her eyes to another. It wonders me if this body is mine to own because I'm stranger to its thoughts. Maybe I need someone to comprehend me and translate my language to me. I'm weird. But who actually knows himself inside out? 2/ read reply

Nothing To Say [March 05, 2009] [ mood | blah ] I've not been updating due to my busy schedule, but nevertheless I'll try:D School's kinda hectic and as a result, I'm sick today=( I had a fever. Really irritating. Sigh. Whenever I look through blogs of other people, the sense of inferiority sinks in all the time. My life is just so... plain. I feel so lousy all the time in spite the fact I have good friends around me. I don't why, but maybe I've not fitted in properly yet, unlike many others. I'm still finding someone that I feel I can be friends with. Like really connecting with them. All the friendships I've made so far in TJC don't give me a feeling of satisfaction. I see my old friends making new friends yet I'm left stuck in secondary school mentality. Give it some time, Meryl. I need time to fit in. But I'm really touched because Qiaohao's a really good friend. I may not be close to her during my secondary school days but still, she's a great friend:D reply

Valentine, Be Mine. [February 15, 2009] [ mood | bouncy ] I love Valentine's Day. HEEHEE:D Had a double date with ... Ha names not to be mentioned! We encircled Pasir Ris the whole day as activities were carried out there and towards the end of the day we headed to East Coast's Laguna to have dinner;D Great day. And pictures will be transferred to my lappie soon! reply

ORIENTATION NIGHT. [February 07, 2009] [ mood | cheerful ] FUNFUNFUN:D Orientation night was awesome. Lots of dancing and singing with Jac, Navreen and Elaina. My ears went muted hearing the loud screams. But we had no dinner=( Meryl's a dinnerless soul. She went home feeling hungry and tired. Plus, she got burnt due to the scorching sun that was so merciless. Let's give the weather one hot slap! Meryl's as red as a lobster. Kudos cos' it's her favourite colour. BOO because she's gonna be as dark as chocolate=( But Meryl loves LWC and the fact that LWC talked to her despite the late hours makes her a contented little lala girl. Meryl found out that she can be mature and childish simultaneously, on the pretext of different talking partners. But nevertheless, Meryl is still happy. AND NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT WEEK'S LECTURES NOR SEEING  FRANCES TONG'S STUPID DISCIPLINARY FACE HMPH! 3/ read reply

Loves. [February 04, 2009] [ mood | cheerful ] Today was funfunfun! I enjoyed myself alot. Had PDP exhibition and decided to register myself with dance, floor ball, guitar ensemble, soccer LOL. And my day ended GREATLY. Met little toots at Bedok Interchange:D And followed him all the way to Buona Vista, just to talk and see his face:D Finally we met!! 1/ read reply

URGH. [February 03, 2009] [ mood | disappointed ] I.am.so.tired. JC life is so tiring, even during orientation. Too much cheering though. And I get hungry so easily. That's summing up my orientation for 2 days. reply

Your Eyes Can Jump [January 30, 2009] [ mood | crazy ] Since Mindy said my font is small, I enlarged it. But notice that this current font isn't as cute as the previous one as it looks kinda crampy. So, today, I finally bought my school bag. It's RED, yet again. HAHA. But it's a shade of red deeper than my previous bag. Haha WC accompanied me to get my bag while we walked around Cityhall and then to Orchard (Wheelock Place). I kept thinking and thinking if I should get that bag since it's so pricey! But anyway, walking is fun and crapping is better:D This is my last outing of the week with WC. Me: Should I buy this bag? It's $99!!! My mum will kill me if I buy it. Do you think she'll be angry? Weichen: Errrr... Maybe? Me: Huh?! But what if she thinks it's too costly and decides to throw me out of the house? You'd better claim me hur. Weichen: Yeah okay. Then we can sleep in my room. Me: No, I sleep in your room, you sleep outside. Weichen: Okay okay, I don't mind. I will seriously sleep outside. LOL. But but but, before the meetup, I went to VJC to send in my appeal. Just trying my luck. But should I enter, so be it. Chances are extraordinarily slim so pray hard Meryl(: And, to know that I was the 98th person to appeal sucks alot. That excludes all those online applicants WOW. 3/ read reply

I'll Be Beside You While You Run [January 29, 2009] [ mood | geeky ] Haha I'm many days back this time. Chinese New Year was fine, except that the number of red packets received took a dive. And the best part about CNY is about gambling and of course, winning! I won in Black Jack but it wasn't alot because we played small. But anyhow, the money had to be given to my mum because my "capital" was from her urgh. Mahjong wasgreat and I got hooked onto it. It's seriously addictive:D Goodies were tasty too, too bad they're so calorie-packed ha!  Pineapple tarts are my favourite! That basiscally sums up my CNY: I ate, I drank, I played, I won, I visited. So yesterday was ze best! Finally, like finally, an outing with my dearest person. It's been a week and two days since I last saw him;( YAY we met up yesterday and spent the whole day together! Not mentioning that I walked away with many dumb and cute photos haha! We met at Eunos MRT and ate his favourite mee soup near Eunos for BREAKFAST. Then, we proceeded to pasir ris park to fly our kite and WE WERE AWESOMELY SUCCESSFUL. The kite flew really high but I suffered from string burn. Beautiful beautiful kite. We headed to the breakwater for a little break. After the break, we decided to catch "Love Matters" at The Cathay. The show was... Okayy. Mature content, in Singapore's definition, thus rated NC16. It was funny at some parts but I enjoyed the company more than anything. Heehee:D After the movie, we walked all the way to Fort Canning Park. Initially we planned to go to Singapore Museum since admission's free from 6pm to 8pm. But I had to be back from 8pm to 9pm. Since time was of a constraint, plus the distance we had to walk back to the museum was really long, we gave it a pass. We took lots of pictures(self timer mode) in Fort Canning. It's quite a pretty area for picnics and little get together sessions. And I had blisters at the back of my foot OUCH. Since both of us were on a tight budget and extremely hungry, we headed to Marina Square's foodcourt for dinner. He had U-Mian and I had sliced fish noodles:D And we decided to throw in lots of chilli into his U-Mian to test the spicy-ness but it turned out to be seriously, nothing. Left with so little time in our hands, we made our way to the rooftops of Esplanade for another photo taking session. I had a quota of 25 pictures but urgh, I didn't hit it. Pictures, pictures, pictures...    We walked past the Merlion and the river and walked all the way to the CBD. Since I was thirsty, we went to Lao Par Sar for dessert! Shared a bowl of ice jelly(: Haha I wanna have meals with you everyday!!! And we walked to Capital Tower and then to Tanjong Pagar MRT and home.    GREAT day with poots. I am going to miss outings as such, for they are going to be so rare:( Lovely day, lovely companion. reply

[January 24, 2009] [ mood | depressed ] I really miss LWC now. Hardly meet up these days due to Chinese New Year and stuff. Once school starts, meetings will be rare. Sigh. reply

Checked. [January 21, 2009] [ mood | exhausted ] I'm finally three-quarters done with CNY shopping. Spent lots of time hunting for clothes yesterday with Sihua. We circled Bugis Junction and Bugis Street so many time I guess the shopkeepers can recognise us both. So, I settled for my high waisted flower skirt with some white tank top from Miss Emily. It wasn't cheap at all. One white tank top costs around $13? Crazy price. But ssigh, no other shops sold that tank top that I wanted. We bought shoes the last and I must say that's the best buy. The shoes are not gladiator-ish. They perfectly simple. And I drank MOS burger's milkshake again. Yum. I'm still left with my jeans skirt plus acessories to purchase and that spells the end of my CNY shopping:D Chinese New Year's Eve is on Sunday and Ryan's birthday falls on the same day too. But my parents are decorating the house with cartoon bulls and all. The mood is there, despite the recession hmm. I miss swimming. And I miss friends. I miss WC too. I miss everything that's present now, e.g. outings and long phone calls that last through the night. Once school starts, say hello to hectic life. And every week is flanked with assignments and all. Even meeting WC becomes a problem:( That sucks. But I'm looking forward to meeting new friends, and sharing my life with new people. POOF I'm tired. I'm off! reply

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